The setting is the Eurovision Song Contest in Sarajevo. The Bosnian compère, Sergei, sports a troublesome toupée, and the Herzogovinian commère, Boyka, changes frocks for every entrance. This very cheesy couple with appalling accents and jokes introduce the entries. Italy’s is a weird mix of opera, hip-pop and the twist; Greece offers a Nana Mouskouri type who throws away her glasses to do some pole-dancing. The three Hungarian girls appear in national costume and sing about killing chickens; Ireland’s entry is a ballad from a leprechaun cowboy, with a sing-along chorus consisting entirely of the word “lalalalalalalala”. For Poland, Tomas Jerker & the Hard Boys sing “We can pull through if we pull hard”, and the KG Boyz for Russia are dressed in white lycra. The votes are cast by text messages from the audience, and though the winner varied from show to show, it seems the votes were rigged so that every night England came last!